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  • WHY DATE A CHRISTIAN?--by Paul D. Meacham, III


  • Building a happy home depends upon many things.  For those contemplating marriage as well as those who have been married for many years, we offer the following suggestions and thoughts.

    1.      Be careful in your selection of a mate.  Choose someone who can help you in living a faithful Christian life.  Remember that those whom you date may become your mate.  Thus, the old adage still rings true: “Choose a date fit for a mate.”   Look for that “inner beauty,” that purity of life and character.  Make sure that you marry a genuine Christian.

    2.      Marry only one who is eligible for marriage.  One who has been divorced for a reason other than fornication (sexual immorality) is not eligible for marriage.  Jesus said: "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matt. 19:9).  An innocent person who has the right to marry would become guilty of adultery by interring into a marriage with one who is not eligible.  Remember: those who are eligible for marriage according to Scripture are: (1) Those who have never been married;  (2) Those whose mates have died (Rom. 7:1-4);  (3) Those who have put away their mates because of their fornication (Matt. 19:9).

    3.      A happy home is built on mutual love and trust.  Satan works in many ways to destroy the sanctity of marriage and the happiness of the home.  He would stir up jealousy, envy, and strife.  Selfish hearts seek to have their own way without regard for others.  Paul’s instruction to husbands and wives is clear: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them (Col. 3:18-19; Cf. Eph. 5:22-33).  Husbands and wives should strive to please one another and to please the Lord.  Determine that you not let anything or anyone come between you and your mate.

    4.      Take time to say “I love you.”  A number of years ago a young married man confided that he would make a diligent effort to tell his wife he loved her every day and several times a day.  He made it a practice to tell her “darling I love you” before they fell asleep at night.  One morning he awoke to find that his lovely wife, just past thirty years of age, had died in her sleep.  The young man said, “the memories are sweeter now because I know that the last words she heard me say were “darling, I love you.” From the very beginning of your marriage determine to tell your mate often how much you love them. It is such a little thing, yet saying “I love you” means so much.

    Let us remember that marriage was instituted by God for the good of all mankind (Gen. 2:18-25). Happiness in this life as well as in eternity depends on building happy homes. May we do all that we can build happy, successful, Christian home.

    ~Dan Flournoy

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    E-mail: Dan@Christian-Family.net



    By Dan Flournoy

    Marriage is an institution designed by God and regulated by Him through His word, the Bible. It is intended to be a permanent "until death parts you" type of relationship. Many, however, have taken marriage and home so lightly that they give little or no consideration to its effects upon the church and community nor its eternal consequences. Some folks make more preparation in buying a car than they do in preparing for marriage.

    Several years ago, 63 ministers in Modesto, California agreed to enforce minimum standards for couples who asked them to officiate at their weddings. They agreed not to allow themselves to become a "Marryin' Sam," a la the Lil' Abner cartoon character who was ready to perform a wedding ceremony on a moment's notice. They set standards which included a four-month minimum waiting period during which time engaged couples must go through premarital counseling. These ministers agreed that couples who seriously participate in such counseling have a better understanding of what marriage commitment involves.

    Premarital counseling helps couples eliminate as many surprises as possible, identify possible problem areas and learn some marital skills needed to solve problems which naturally arise in marriage. Premarital counseling can help people choose the right partner and keep from making a serious mistake. Here are some biblical principles that can help in choosing a partner for life.

    1. Choose a Christian. Remember that oil and water do not mix. It never has been God's plan for His children to marry a child of the devil (2 Cor. 6:14, 15). A Christian needs to marry someone whose priorities reflect a submissive and obedient attitude toward God.

    2. Consider character. Regardless of what the world says, character matters! Would you be happy to find out that the surgeon who is to perform your heart surgery cheated on his exams? In marriage it is important to marry someone who is honest (Prov. 24:26), pure (Rom. 13:13-14; Heb. 13:4); responsible (1 Tim. 5:8; Prov. 24:30-34); respects their parents (Eph. 6:1-3) and who exercises self-control (Prov. 23:20-21; 25:28; Gal. 5:22-23; Eph. 5:15-18).

    3. Use wisdom. Most choices in life demand more brain power than flipping a coin. Pray about the person you are thinking of marrying. Consult others. If a majority of friends and relatives are opposed to the wedding, it might be well to reconsider (Ps. 111:10; Jas. 1:5).

    4. Go slow. It takes time to know a person well enough to conclude that he or she is the right one to marry. Dating for a few weeks or even months only gives a superficial knowledge of the other person. This is "dress up time" and is, in reality, a "staged relationship." It takes time to develop a friendship. The best foundation for a marriage is a "friendship love" (Prov. 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times."). Most happily married couples say their spouse is their best friend. This is the way it ought to be.

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    E-mail: Dan@Christian-Family.net


    "And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone" (Gen 2:18). Throughout the creation account God said, "It is good," until He came to Adam's being alone. It was at this time that He made Eve to be "an help meet (suitable) unto him" (Gen 2:18).

    When God chose a mate for man, He chose one who would be a helper. When we begin the process of finding a mate, dating, we should be just as interested in finding one who will help us go to heaven. Therefore, we should date Christians. When dating, many young people do not think seriously about marriage. Many view dating as a chance to have fun and nothing more. After dating a non-Christian, they marry a non-Christian and find themselves in a difficult situation. Some do not take dating seriously because they believe they have the power to get out of any situation no matter how difficult the situation becomes. The truth is, the worse the situation becomes the harder it is to get out of.

    We have a warning given in 1 Corinthians 15:33, "Be not deceived evil companionships corrupt good morals." You are probably thinking, "No way! My companions are not evil!" Ask yourself these questions:

    ·        Are they helping you attain your goal, heaven?

    ·        If not, are they actively hindering you? They are doing one or the other.

    ·        If the people you date use bad language, drink, smoke take drugs in any form, frequent places you know a Christian cannot go, or try to get you to do anything you should not do, then why do you date them?

    ·        Is that person's company worth risking your soul?


    As young people, our companions often influence us. Sometimes we are pressured into doing things we would not do otherwise. This is especially true of those we date. They tend to exert a great influence over us, both on and off a date. If we date non-Christians, then the influence will not be an influence for good. Additionally, if our date is not a Christian, then his or her associates will probably have a poor influence on us as well.

    It is human nature to want to be accepted as part of a group. We gain acceptance by doing what the group is doing. However, Exodus 23:2 warns us, we are not to do something just because "the group" is doing it. We must go to the Bible, the standard of right and wrong, to determine whether or not the activity of the group is acceptable to almighty God. If the activity is not acceptable, then we should not associate with those who do (Eph 5:11; 1 Thes 5:22). The right choice is made harder when our date is part of the group encouraging us to do wrong. If the person we choose to date is a faithful, active, member of the Lord's body, the strain on us to do something wrong is greatly lessened.

    In the fight to remain spiritually pure, we need our closest friends to be those who will help us remain faithful to the pattern set forth by God. The church is losing her young at an alarming rate. One of the reasons is because they are dating those who are not members of the church. In 1 Kings 11:8, we find Solomon burning incense to the gods of his strange (those not Israelites) wives. Verse 9 shows us that because Solomon's heart was turned, God was angry. The man who built the temple of God, was turned away from God by his wives. You might say, "I am not married, and I have no plan to be any time soon." When is the last time you heard of two people getting married without first dating? If you date those who are not Christians, then you are flirting with danger, the greatest danger of all (Mk 8:36; Lk 9:25).

    In conclusion, we will deal with an objection given by those who would date non-Christians. They always say, "I can change them." For those of you who have converted your date, my hat is off to you. You gave the proper example on and off your dates and in so doing, showed your date the way to salvation. However, the truth is, if one person is changed it is usually the member of the body of Christ. As we noted in the previous paragraph, we cannot play with fire. If nothing else, we should date Christians because we like to be in the company of those of like precious faith.

    No person is worth losing your soul over. Therefore, the relationships we have should not tax our spiritual welfare; rather they should be encouraging and edifying. If you are currently dating those who are not members of the church, then please carefully consider the danger. Another could be much better suited to help you in your spiritual growth.

    POWER, May, 2003


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    E-mail: Dan@Christian-Family.net